Democratic Convention Lineup

Denver, Colorado

4:00 PM – Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
4:05 PM – Singing of “God Damn America” led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:10 PM – Pledge of Allegiance to Obama
4:15 PM – Ceremonial Terrorist Fist-Jab led by Michelle Obama
4:30 PM – Joe Biden Acceptance Speech
5:30 PM – Joe Biden Acceptance Speech
6:30 PM – Joe Biden Acceptance Speech
7:00 PM – Tips on Dodging Sniper Fire – Hillary Clinton
7:15 PM – Jesse Jackson Spaying and Neutering Clinic
7:30 PM – UFO Abduction Survival Tips – Dennis Kucinich
7:45 PM – John Edwards Speaks on “Family Values” via Satellite from Hotel Bathroom
8:00 PM – Eliot Spitzer Speaks on “Family Values” via Satellite from Emperors VIP Club
8:15 PM – Tribute to All 57 States Obama Has Visited
8:30 PM – Ceremonial Setting Aside of Grievances by the Clintons
8:45 PM – Hillary Clinton Releases Her Delegates, Flying Monkeys
9:00 PM – Bill Clinton Delivers Rousing Endorsement of Obama Girl
9:15 PM – Tribute Film to Freedom Fighters at Gitmo – Michael Moore
9:30 PM – Celebrities Gone Wild for Obama – Paris Hilton and Britney Spears
9:45 PM – Personal Finance Seminar – Congressman William “Cold Cash” Jefferson
10:00 PM – Denunciation of Bitter and Clingy Gun Owners
10:30 PM – Ceremonial Denial of Progress in Iraq and Waving of White Flag
11:00 PM – Obama Energy Plan Symposium/Tire Gauge Demonstration
11:15 PM – Free Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick Pep Rally
11:30 PM – Al Gore Accepts Tony and Latin Grammy Awards
11:45 PM – Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves and 2 Fish – Obama Presiding
12:00 PM – Official Nomination of Obama via Text Message Sent by Scarlett Johansson
12:01 AM – Barack Obama Accepts Nomination for Lord and Savior
12:05 AM – Celestial Choirs Sing
3:00 AM – Hillary Clinton Delivers Acceptance Speech
Lifted from Worthalaugh.com

Top Stories